Okay, at first I kind of felt for Denise Richards. I mean, she married the world's most prolific consumer of prositute cooch this side of the Sultan of Brunei, and seemed to honestly make a go of things--she even had unprotected sex with the guy, the results of which were her two cute kids, Sam and Lola. The headlines declared Charlie Sheen, a changed man, a family man, a man at home in bed by 10.

I, of course, never bought that. This was the guy who, after the demise of his first marriage to pretty nobody Donna Peele, sighed and said "well, you buy a car, it breaks down, what can you do?" or something to that effect. The guy dated Ginger Lynn. DATED her. Have you seen this chick? She was some big porn star from the '80s who got all fucked up on drugs and sued for tax evasion or some shit. But I digress.

Anyhow, Charlie and Denise's marriage predictably goes kaput. Charges of gambling, hookers, and prescription drugs, along with death threats come from Denise's camp. Charlie, of course, denies everything, while scum of the earth crawl out of the media gutters to declare that they think Charlie is a porno-chick/call girl killer, and the world aches for Denise.

Then Denise makes The Mother of All Media Mistakes. She starts nailing her best friend's husband. Why? WHY? I mean, Denise, for having two kids, is pretty hot. And Richie Sambora, well, look at him. He's tired. I mean, why not go for Jon Bon Jovi? Sure he is married, but not to Denise's best friend, and Jon cheats on his wife's ass left, right, and center. At least that is what I would have done.

Now, the world hates Denise Richards just as much as Charlie Sheen and is branding her a homewrecker. Heather Locklear is so depressed that she is nailing David Spade, and you KNOW that is a cry for help.



As for Denise, come ON now! This



or




HELLO PEOPLE!

Today comes word that Denise and Richie might be--get this--engaged. They are gallivanting around Europe and Denise is Pussycat-Dolling while her children stay home with a nanny and are not allowed visitation with their father. Sometimes I just do not get people.



I think that this is one big Circle of Homewrecking and Herpes. I mean, let's see, you KNOW Charlie is packing The Herp, and Richie, between all of the Bon Jovi groupies, Cher, and Heather (who was formerly married to Herp King, Tommy Lee) has to be down with it too. Poor Denise is probably thrilled just to have the herp herself, and not HIV given Charlie's proclivities.

In short, all of these people are fucked up and should never marry or breed again. But props to Spade for bagging Heather, herp or no herp. This man gets ASS doesn't he??? Are all these women he bangs fans of "Just Shoot Me" or "Dickie Roberts"? (One of my favorite movies ever is "Tommy Boy" but that is besides the point.) He should count his lucky stars for every blister he gets. Burn, baby burn! Valtrex is for sissies!