FLAVOR OF SLUT
Hoopz, New York, and Red Oyster, fuck, even HOTTIE look like English Royalty compared to these crackheads. God I love "Flavor of Love"! I hope Gitta makes another cameo. YAY!!!
Loves it!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
SPEAKING OF LIZA
She's another person I totally love. She's batshit crazy, totally damaged, perpetually drug and alcohol-addled, yo-yoing in weight, has hips of steel (and titanium), and has a penchant for marrying gay men. In short, she's a woman I want to cook a brisket with.
I love that, no matter how fat, or smacked-up she is on drugs, or how many lawsuits are pending against her by her crazy ex-husbands (Gest, I am talking about you--asshole), the woman ALWAYS COMES BACK. Forget Cher surviving a nuclear bomb with cockroaches, LIZA would not only survive a nuclear holocaust, the bitch probably wouldn't even realize one had happened in the first place. She'd be too busy looking for that bottle of vodka she hid in the closet.
This is a video of her performing with Queen. I love it. Every queen's idol performing with Queen.
Say what you want about her, but the lady can sing.
Long Live LIZA!
She's another person I totally love. She's batshit crazy, totally damaged, perpetually drug and alcohol-addled, yo-yoing in weight, has hips of steel (and titanium), and has a penchant for marrying gay men. In short, she's a woman I want to cook a brisket with.
I love that, no matter how fat, or smacked-up she is on drugs, or how many lawsuits are pending against her by her crazy ex-husbands (Gest, I am talking about you--asshole), the woman ALWAYS COMES BACK. Forget Cher surviving a nuclear bomb with cockroaches, LIZA would not only survive a nuclear holocaust, the bitch probably wouldn't even realize one had happened in the first place. She'd be too busy looking for that bottle of vodka she hid in the closet.
This is a video of her performing with Queen. I love it. Every queen's idol performing with Queen.
Say what you want about her, but the lady can sing.
Long Live LIZA!
ANOTHER GAY MOVIE!!!!
Coming to a theater near you (har de har har har). The gays take on "American Pie" and prove that they can be just as crass and silly as we heteros. But who wants pie when you could have quiche???
I so totally want to see this. It looks fabulous!!! I wonder if Joan Crawford will make an appearance? I know she's dead, but a girl can dream.
Liza better be in here somewhere. A gay movie should not be allowed to be made without Liza!!! LOVE HER!
Coming to a theater near you (har de har har har). The gays take on "American Pie" and prove that they can be just as crass and silly as we heteros. But who wants pie when you could have quiche???
I so totally want to see this. It looks fabulous!!! I wonder if Joan Crawford will make an appearance? I know she's dead, but a girl can dream.
Liza better be in here somewhere. A gay movie should not be allowed to be made without Liza!!! LOVE HER!
MATT LEINART GETS HERPES--AND WE GET TO WATCH
Nothing like watching the passage of an STD in action, eh? Hollywood's most famous herpified starlet passes "the gift that keeps on giving" along to her latest "squeeze of the nanosecond," Matt Leinart. Look how his eyes are wide with fear--classic. He'll be itching and oozing all the way back to Arizona. Yummy. Valtrex, baby! It's what's for breakfast!
Nothing like watching the passage of an STD in action, eh? Hollywood's most famous herpified starlet passes "the gift that keeps on giving" along to her latest "squeeze of the nanosecond," Matt Leinart. Look how his eyes are wide with fear--classic. He'll be itching and oozing all the way back to Arizona. Yummy. Valtrex, baby! It's what's for breakfast!
TIME HAS NOT BEEN KIND TO SHANNEN DOHERTY
I guess all that bitch slapping and drunk driving can take a lot out of a girl, eh? Too bad Aaron Spelling is dead: Now he can't hire and fire her for any more of his TV shows.
She will forever be Brenda for me: "DY-LAN! ( big angry sigh)" I will probably like her no matter how crappy she gets to look. It's not like Jennie Garth or Tori Spelling are winning any beauty paegants these days either, you know.
I guess all that bitch slapping and drunk driving can take a lot out of a girl, eh? Too bad Aaron Spelling is dead: Now he can't hire and fire her for any more of his TV shows.
She will forever be Brenda for me: "DY-LAN! ( big angry sigh)" I will probably like her no matter how crappy she gets to look. It's not like Jennie Garth or Tori Spelling are winning any beauty paegants these days either, you know.
NINE INCH NAILS OF COLLEGIATE LUST
This is the one that started it all.
Flashback: 1992. I am 21, drunk, and eating Oodles of Noodles while sitting on the floor in front of the TV, screaming "TREENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTT"
I almost forgot about the "dreads" period. I love me an angry piece of tormented man-ass. LONG LIVE TRENT!!!!
This is the one that started it all.
Flashback: 1992. I am 21, drunk, and eating Oodles of Noodles while sitting on the floor in front of the TV, screaming "TREENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTT"
I almost forgot about the "dreads" period. I love me an angry piece of tormented man-ass. LONG LIVE TRENT!!!!
PEOPLE WHO ANNOY THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME, EDITION 12: KATE HUDSON
This is probably only because I am jealous of this skinny "bo-ho rich-as-hell,-marginally talented,-and-aided-by-hollyword-nepotism" bitch, but whatever. You and your skinny husband Chris Robinson are all "rock and roll" --we get it. However:
1. Don't give into "The Maddox Syndrome"--Ryder Russell is old enough to walk on his own. Ditch the baby sling and let the kid have at the pavement.
2. Ryder Russell is a BOY right? I mean, I believe you gave birth to a child with a penis. So cut the kid's fucking hair already. He looks ridiculous and will one day have to work out gender-related issues with a high-priced shrink because of you.
Damn hippies.
This is probably only because I am jealous of this skinny "bo-ho rich-as-hell,-marginally talented,-and-aided-by-hollyword-nepotism" bitch, but whatever. You and your skinny husband Chris Robinson are all "rock and roll" --we get it. However:
1. Don't give into "The Maddox Syndrome"--Ryder Russell is old enough to walk on his own. Ditch the baby sling and let the kid have at the pavement.
2. Ryder Russell is a BOY right? I mean, I believe you gave birth to a child with a penis. So cut the kid's fucking hair already. He looks ridiculous and will one day have to work out gender-related issues with a high-priced shrink because of you.
Damn hippies.
PHOTOSHOP ME BABY, ONE MORE TIME!
Here's an outtake from the Britney Harper's Bazaar photo shoot. I want whoever did the airbrushing to come over and follow me around for a day. Look at her sides. It's creepy! Not quite as creepy as Tom Cruise, "Kate" and (even bigger quotation marks) "Suri " the android baby, but close enough.
Here's an outtake from the Britney Harper's Bazaar photo shoot. I want whoever did the airbrushing to come over and follow me around for a day. Look at her sides. It's creepy! Not quite as creepy as Tom Cruise, "Kate" and (even bigger quotation marks) "Suri " the android baby, but close enough.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
PEOPLE WHO ANNOY THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME, EDITION 11: HILARY SWANK
I have hated Hilary Swank ever since her first Oscar acceptance speech. Like, the girl used to guest star on "90210" (oh yes, I remember folks!) and now she is all "High Art" and sanctimonious. I could forgive the first Oscar speech. I even overlooked the second Oscar speech (if I were Clint Eastwood, I would have gotten up and smacked the bitch right on the stage, but Clint is ond and has all those varicose veins taking over his bony legs, so we can forgive him).
Anyhow, what really steams me now is that, all of a sudden, Hilary is on the cover of Vanity Fair and spilling the beans that her marriage ended because her husband was addicted to smack. Okay, she doesn't come right out and SAY cocaine, but Chad Lowe is a Lowe, and those Lowe boys love their powder. Come on, like Rob Lowe was sober when he made that sex tape with the 16-year-old at the 1988 Democratic National Convention (those Democrats are pervs too, eh? They need to hang with Duran Duran).
But anyhow, I digress. I will bash Rob another day. Today is for Hilary. First off, that's a really shitty thing to do, ratting your husband out like that in a national magazine, after all the years he has stood by you and held your purse while trying not to scream out in pain. Why did she do it? For what purpose? So Chad gets a smaller cut of her earnings over the years? To garner public sympathy? To get her ugly ass the cover of the magazine? I think she should shut her big horse mouth and be happy someone had the courage to put up with her smarmy artistic self for so long. Sure, she has nice tits. But they come with THAT MOUTH. That never shuts the fuck up. If I were Chad, I'd be doing lines all day long, just to keep myself high enough to hallucinate that maybe she wasn't there, and the scary voices I was hearing were REALLY in my head.
I hope Hilary's next movie is a huge bust, she gets caught in some horrible scandal involving third-world prostitution trafficking, and the only gigs she gets are future appearances on "90210" reunions, where Shannen Doherty gets drunk and knocks all of her horse teeth out. YAY!!!! GO BRENDA!
I have hated Hilary Swank ever since her first Oscar acceptance speech. Like, the girl used to guest star on "90210" (oh yes, I remember folks!) and now she is all "High Art" and sanctimonious. I could forgive the first Oscar speech. I even overlooked the second Oscar speech (if I were Clint Eastwood, I would have gotten up and smacked the bitch right on the stage, but Clint is ond and has all those varicose veins taking over his bony legs, so we can forgive him).
Anyhow, what really steams me now is that, all of a sudden, Hilary is on the cover of Vanity Fair and spilling the beans that her marriage ended because her husband was addicted to smack. Okay, she doesn't come right out and SAY cocaine, but Chad Lowe is a Lowe, and those Lowe boys love their powder. Come on, like Rob Lowe was sober when he made that sex tape with the 16-year-old at the 1988 Democratic National Convention (those Democrats are pervs too, eh? They need to hang with Duran Duran).
But anyhow, I digress. I will bash Rob another day. Today is for Hilary. First off, that's a really shitty thing to do, ratting your husband out like that in a national magazine, after all the years he has stood by you and held your purse while trying not to scream out in pain. Why did she do it? For what purpose? So Chad gets a smaller cut of her earnings over the years? To garner public sympathy? To get her ugly ass the cover of the magazine? I think she should shut her big horse mouth and be happy someone had the courage to put up with her smarmy artistic self for so long. Sure, she has nice tits. But they come with THAT MOUTH. That never shuts the fuck up. If I were Chad, I'd be doing lines all day long, just to keep myself high enough to hallucinate that maybe she wasn't there, and the scary voices I was hearing were REALLY in my head.
I hope Hilary's next movie is a huge bust, she gets caught in some horrible scandal involving third-world prostitution trafficking, and the only gigs she gets are future appearances on "90210" reunions, where Shannen Doherty gets drunk and knocks all of her horse teeth out. YAY!!!! GO BRENDA!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
More "High Art"
Since it appears we have fellow Durranie fans here at Vivaville, I've decided to post another Duran video--the classic "Girls on Film"--the UNEDITED version. Yes, the one with the boobies. If you haven't seen it, here's your chance! Boys, grab a tissue. Har har.
I still hold fast to my opinion that those Duran boys were pervs and this video, although tame by today's standards, caused quite the hoopla back in the day. At least in my house.
I wouldn't be me if I didn't have a story to go along with this particular video:
I was 13, and obsessed with All Things Duran. My dad and I were in the local video store one night and I found the Duran Duran video compilation and BEGGED my dad to let me rent it. My father was spent after a two-hour commute home from work and not in the mood to argue with a whiny teenager. He relented and I was rampant with joy.
But of course, this was not good enough for me. Before I watched the video, I told my dad I wanted a copy of the tape. Dinosaurs like me will remember that, back in the day, copying a videotape required the dreaded "Double VCR" set-up--one to play the video, the other to tape what was playing. There were no DVD burners then--no siree. And we walked to school, shoeless, in the snow, uphill, both ways, every day.
Again, my father--tired and wanting a cigarette--relented and went to disentagle our other VCR from my parents' bedroom, cursing quietly all the way up the stairs.
Many wire configurations and "goddamnit"s later, my very grumpy father began copying the video, while I sat in anticipation, not knowing the "surprises" which laid in store. Anyhow, all went well until the "Girls on Film" video came on.
At first, there was an uncomfortable silence when those two chicks in their nighties came across the bridge. My eyes were rounder than moons, and I sucked in my breath sharply. I was going to GET IT for this one. Maybe, I thought in vain, the rest of the video wouldn't be that bad.
My father, until this point, had been commenting on how much makeup Duran Duran were wearing and asking if they were fags. The girl in the see-through panties sliding along the pole covered with whipped cream pretty much answered his question.
More silence ensued, as the cowgirls, sumo sluts, naughty nurses, g-stringed drowning girls, ice-cubed nipples, and boobed-out mud wrestlers crossed the screen. Remember now, I am 13, and watching this with my father. The mortification level, I cannot even tell you. The silence grew even more awkward.
My father's eyebrows raised, and he looked as horrified as I was. As the video ended, he finally spoke.
"What the hell is this crap?"
"Uh, Dad, it's ART!"
"Art?!?! Art, my ass. I spent an hour setting up the VCR to tape trash like this? What the hell is wrong with you?
"But Dad, they're ENGLISH! It's not a big deal over there!"
"Goddamned waste of my time...does your mother know what is on this video???"
To my dad's credit, he never ratted me out to my mother. He also let me keep the video, since he spent about 4 hours trying to figure out how to make a copy in the first place. Ironically enough, I think I only watched it one more time after that. At 13, I had the attention span of a gnat. At 34, I still do.
I still have that videotape somewhere around here--I should put it up on e-bay!
Since it appears we have fellow Durranie fans here at Vivaville, I've decided to post another Duran video--the classic "Girls on Film"--the UNEDITED version. Yes, the one with the boobies. If you haven't seen it, here's your chance! Boys, grab a tissue. Har har.
I still hold fast to my opinion that those Duran boys were pervs and this video, although tame by today's standards, caused quite the hoopla back in the day. At least in my house.
I wouldn't be me if I didn't have a story to go along with this particular video:
I was 13, and obsessed with All Things Duran. My dad and I were in the local video store one night and I found the Duran Duran video compilation and BEGGED my dad to let me rent it. My father was spent after a two-hour commute home from work and not in the mood to argue with a whiny teenager. He relented and I was rampant with joy.
But of course, this was not good enough for me. Before I watched the video, I told my dad I wanted a copy of the tape. Dinosaurs like me will remember that, back in the day, copying a videotape required the dreaded "Double VCR" set-up--one to play the video, the other to tape what was playing. There were no DVD burners then--no siree. And we walked to school, shoeless, in the snow, uphill, both ways, every day.
Again, my father--tired and wanting a cigarette--relented and went to disentagle our other VCR from my parents' bedroom, cursing quietly all the way up the stairs.
Many wire configurations and "goddamnit"s later, my very grumpy father began copying the video, while I sat in anticipation, not knowing the "surprises" which laid in store. Anyhow, all went well until the "Girls on Film" video came on.
At first, there was an uncomfortable silence when those two chicks in their nighties came across the bridge. My eyes were rounder than moons, and I sucked in my breath sharply. I was going to GET IT for this one. Maybe, I thought in vain, the rest of the video wouldn't be that bad.
My father, until this point, had been commenting on how much makeup Duran Duran were wearing and asking if they were fags. The girl in the see-through panties sliding along the pole covered with whipped cream pretty much answered his question.
More silence ensued, as the cowgirls, sumo sluts, naughty nurses, g-stringed drowning girls, ice-cubed nipples, and boobed-out mud wrestlers crossed the screen. Remember now, I am 13, and watching this with my father. The mortification level, I cannot even tell you. The silence grew even more awkward.
My father's eyebrows raised, and he looked as horrified as I was. As the video ended, he finally spoke.
"What the hell is this crap?"
"Uh, Dad, it's ART!"
"Art?!?! Art, my ass. I spent an hour setting up the VCR to tape trash like this? What the hell is wrong with you?
"But Dad, they're ENGLISH! It's not a big deal over there!"
"Goddamned waste of my time...does your mother know what is on this video???"
To my dad's credit, he never ratted me out to my mother. He also let me keep the video, since he spent about 4 hours trying to figure out how to make a copy in the first place. Ironically enough, I think I only watched it one more time after that. At 13, I had the attention span of a gnat. At 34, I still do.
I still have that videotape somewhere around here--I should put it up on e-bay!
Another One Bites the Dust
Christie Brinkley and Brigitte Nielsen need to hang out and play canasta. I think these two bitches would totally hit it off!!! Brinkley has separated from her fourth husband, Peter Cook. Personally, I think they looked too much alike--that has to be what killed this love affair. Peter was a step up from husband #3, Rick Taubman who pretty much sold his rights to his son Jack with Brinkley and was an all around shyster. And Billy, God bless him, kept running his cars into trees, which didn't help his looks one bit either. Her first husband was French, and that is enough reason for a divorce right there. Damn Frenchies.
From People Magazine:
Christie Brinkley and her fourth husband, architect Peter Cook, are going their separate ways after 10 years of marriage, the CoverGirl model's rep revealed Tuesday. "Yes, it's true. The couple has separated," publicist Elliot Mintz says in a statement, according to the Associated Press. Brinkley and Cook, 47, who live in New York's tony Hamptons region, have a daughter, Sailor, 8. Brinkley, 52, was previously married to artist Jean-François Allaux (1973-81), singer Billy Joel (1985-94) and developer Richard Taubman (1994-95). She and Joel have a 20-year-old daughter, Alexa, and she and Taubman have an 11-year-old son, Jack, whom Cook adopted after he and Brinkley wed in 1996. "(Christie's) immediate concern is for her children, and she's hoping during this obviously difficult time that people will be kind enough to respect her privacy," Mintz said.
Christie Brinkley and Brigitte Nielsen need to hang out and play canasta. I think these two bitches would totally hit it off!!! Brinkley has separated from her fourth husband, Peter Cook. Personally, I think they looked too much alike--that has to be what killed this love affair. Peter was a step up from husband #3, Rick Taubman who pretty much sold his rights to his son Jack with Brinkley and was an all around shyster. And Billy, God bless him, kept running his cars into trees, which didn't help his looks one bit either. Her first husband was French, and that is enough reason for a divorce right there. Damn Frenchies.
From People Magazine:
Christie Brinkley and her fourth husband, architect Peter Cook, are going their separate ways after 10 years of marriage, the CoverGirl model's rep revealed Tuesday. "Yes, it's true. The couple has separated," publicist Elliot Mintz says in a statement, according to the Associated Press. Brinkley and Cook, 47, who live in New York's tony Hamptons region, have a daughter, Sailor, 8. Brinkley, 52, was previously married to artist Jean-François Allaux (1973-81), singer Billy Joel (1985-94) and developer Richard Taubman (1994-95). She and Joel have a 20-year-old daughter, Alexa, and she and Taubman have an 11-year-old son, Jack, whom Cook adopted after he and Brinkley wed in 1996. "(Christie's) immediate concern is for her children, and she's hoping during this obviously difficult time that people will be kind enough to respect her privacy," Mintz said.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I LOVE PAULA!!!!!
I am too old to be watching "The Real World. I know that, you don't have to tell me. I was in college when the first season came out, which now makes me really old. Again, no reminders needed. But in the dark recesses of the night, I watch it anyway. Apparently this season's resident FREAK SHOW Paula Meronek just got arrested for beating up her boyfriend. The same boyfriend who was arrested previously, for beating HER up. Can you believe this? His and Her arrests! It's FABULOUS! I think the two of them should have their own reality TV show wherein they beat the shit out of each other on a daily basis--in between Paula's bouts of bulimia and anorexia, of course. And let's not forget about her penchant for alcohol abuse either. God she is great. Paula's boyfriend could string her up like a bony pinata, and have at her with a baseball bat. THAT would be great TV. I need to put a call into Bunam-Murray Productions
From TMZ:
CROMWELL, Conn. (AP) -- A cast member on MTV's "The Real World" was arraigned on a misdemeanor assault charge after police said she bit her boyfriend during a domestic dispute.
Paula Ann Meronek, 25, allegedly bit her boyfriend several times when he refused to let her into their home early Sunday morning, police said. "I think it was an argument that led to one thing then another," said Cromwell Police Chief Anthony Salvatore. "He attempted to keep her from the house. It got physical and we were contacted." Meronek, who was arraigned Monday, was charged with third-degree assault, which carries a potential penalty of a year in prison. She is due back in court Aug. 11. No lawyer was listed in court documents.
Her boyfriend, John Alyward, was charged with disorderly conduct. The arrest was first reported by The Middletown Press. "The Real World," now in its 17th season, puts seven strangers together in an exotic locale -- this time in a Key West, Fla., beach house.
A call to the show's producer was not immediately returned.
I am too old to be watching "The Real World. I know that, you don't have to tell me. I was in college when the first season came out, which now makes me really old. Again, no reminders needed. But in the dark recesses of the night, I watch it anyway. Apparently this season's resident FREAK SHOW Paula Meronek just got arrested for beating up her boyfriend. The same boyfriend who was arrested previously, for beating HER up. Can you believe this? His and Her arrests! It's FABULOUS! I think the two of them should have their own reality TV show wherein they beat the shit out of each other on a daily basis--in between Paula's bouts of bulimia and anorexia, of course. And let's not forget about her penchant for alcohol abuse either. God she is great. Paula's boyfriend could string her up like a bony pinata, and have at her with a baseball bat. THAT would be great TV. I need to put a call into Bunam-Murray Productions
From TMZ:
CROMWELL, Conn. (AP) -- A cast member on MTV's "The Real World" was arraigned on a misdemeanor assault charge after police said she bit her boyfriend during a domestic dispute.
Paula Ann Meronek, 25, allegedly bit her boyfriend several times when he refused to let her into their home early Sunday morning, police said. "I think it was an argument that led to one thing then another," said Cromwell Police Chief Anthony Salvatore. "He attempted to keep her from the house. It got physical and we were contacted." Meronek, who was arraigned Monday, was charged with third-degree assault, which carries a potential penalty of a year in prison. She is due back in court Aug. 11. No lawyer was listed in court documents.
Her boyfriend, John Alyward, was charged with disorderly conduct. The arrest was first reported by The Middletown Press. "The Real World," now in its 17th season, puts seven strangers together in an exotic locale -- this time in a Key West, Fla., beach house.
A call to the show's producer was not immediately returned.
PEOPLE WHO SHOULD ANNOY THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME, BUT DON'T, EDITION 1: BRIGITTE NIELSEN
Gitta should be one of those people that I love to hate. First she married Kaspar Winding, had a kid with him, abandoned both him and kid to go to L.A. and make a name for herself. Once in La La Land, She fooled around with Schwarzenneger, married Stallone, then got screwed around with Mark Gastineau (producing one, has-to-be-fucked-up kid). Next up was this Sebastian Copeland fellow, who she married, dumped, and THEN married and then some other guy, Raoul Meyer (producing two more, forever damaged sons). Are you still with me here? Then Gitta infamously hooked up with the vertically challenged and all around skeevy Flavor Flav on the Surreal Life and probably caught whatever STDs that previously evaded her during their romance, which spawned a reality show of their own, Strange Love). And let's not forget the stellar movies that she's made: Red Sonja?!? Come on now. This woman is a fucking trainwreck.
Which is precisely why I like her. She's nuts. Certifiably nuts, and doesn't give a fuck about what everybody else thinks about her--I mean, even Joan Rivers called her a cunt during an interview. GENIUS!!!!!! God I love Gitta. This is a woman who, while discussing her cervical cancer, smoked about 500 cigarettes during the interview. She drinks like a fish, has skin that has been tanned to a leathery hide, and is unapologetic about her plastic surgery. She chooses men that she towers over, and marries them in a haphazard fashion. So what if she's not legally divorced yet? She marries them anyway. Bucknuts, I tell you. She's done it again, actually. She "married" the latest teeny hairy man who is all of 28, Mattia Dessi last year, but the marriage wasn't legal due to that pesky prior marriage. But now she's made an honest man of him. I give it a year, tops, but I hope she has another kid. You know this bitch is crazy enough to do that too.
VIVA LA GITTA!!!
From People
Brigitte Nielsen married her fifth husband, Mattia Dessi, a former model from Italy, at the five-star Radisson SAS Golden Sands Resort & Spa in Malta on Saturday, PEOPLE has learned.
Nielsen, who turns 43 on July 15, and Dessi, 28, held a wedding ceremony in the Dominican Republic on Feb. 21, 2005 – but the nuptials were not legal because Nielsen had not finished divorcing her fourth husband, former race car driver Raoul Meyer.
Last year's ceremony "was more like an official engagement," Nielsen's longtime friend and manager, Luigi Balduini, tells PEOPLE. "They put it on the news that it was a marriage, but it was an engagement, because she was still legally married."
This time though, it's the real deal. Nielsen "is pretty excited," Balduini tells PEOPLE. "She is like a little child. She is pretty happy."
Nielsen is no stranger to unconventional situations. The 6-ft.-plus Danish actress's relationship with former Public Enemy rapper Flavor Flav, whom she met in 2004 on VH1's The Surreal Life, was chronicled on another reality series on the network, Strange Love, in 2005.
The show ended with Nielsen apparently choosing Dessi over Flav, but Balduini downplayed Nielsen's involvement with the hip-hop star, telling PEOPLE last year that it was "more of a strong friendship – but it's very heavy."
Nielsen was previously married to Sylvester Stallone (husband No. 2) and involved with former NFL star Mark Gastineau, with whom she has a teenage son, Killian. She has three other sons with ex-husbands Meyer and photographer Sebastian Copeland.
Nielsen began her career as a model for such designers as Giorgio Armani and Gianni Versace. In the mid-1980s, she made the transition to acting, starring in such action pictures as Red Sonja, Cobra, Rocky IV, and Beverly Hills Cop II.
Gitta should be one of those people that I love to hate. First she married Kaspar Winding, had a kid with him, abandoned both him and kid to go to L.A. and make a name for herself. Once in La La Land, She fooled around with Schwarzenneger, married Stallone, then got screwed around with Mark Gastineau (producing one, has-to-be-fucked-up kid). Next up was this Sebastian Copeland fellow, who she married, dumped, and THEN married and then some other guy, Raoul Meyer (producing two more, forever damaged sons). Are you still with me here? Then Gitta infamously hooked up with the vertically challenged and all around skeevy Flavor Flav on the Surreal Life and probably caught whatever STDs that previously evaded her during their romance, which spawned a reality show of their own, Strange Love). And let's not forget the stellar movies that she's made: Red Sonja?!? Come on now. This woman is a fucking trainwreck.
Which is precisely why I like her. She's nuts. Certifiably nuts, and doesn't give a fuck about what everybody else thinks about her--I mean, even Joan Rivers called her a cunt during an interview. GENIUS!!!!!! God I love Gitta. This is a woman who, while discussing her cervical cancer, smoked about 500 cigarettes during the interview. She drinks like a fish, has skin that has been tanned to a leathery hide, and is unapologetic about her plastic surgery. She chooses men that she towers over, and marries them in a haphazard fashion. So what if she's not legally divorced yet? She marries them anyway. Bucknuts, I tell you. She's done it again, actually. She "married" the latest teeny hairy man who is all of 28, Mattia Dessi last year, but the marriage wasn't legal due to that pesky prior marriage. But now she's made an honest man of him. I give it a year, tops, but I hope she has another kid. You know this bitch is crazy enough to do that too.
VIVA LA GITTA!!!
From People
Brigitte Nielsen married her fifth husband, Mattia Dessi, a former model from Italy, at the five-star Radisson SAS Golden Sands Resort & Spa in Malta on Saturday, PEOPLE has learned.
Nielsen, who turns 43 on July 15, and Dessi, 28, held a wedding ceremony in the Dominican Republic on Feb. 21, 2005 – but the nuptials were not legal because Nielsen had not finished divorcing her fourth husband, former race car driver Raoul Meyer.
Last year's ceremony "was more like an official engagement," Nielsen's longtime friend and manager, Luigi Balduini, tells PEOPLE. "They put it on the news that it was a marriage, but it was an engagement, because she was still legally married."
This time though, it's the real deal. Nielsen "is pretty excited," Balduini tells PEOPLE. "She is like a little child. She is pretty happy."
Nielsen is no stranger to unconventional situations. The 6-ft.-plus Danish actress's relationship with former Public Enemy rapper Flavor Flav, whom she met in 2004 on VH1's The Surreal Life, was chronicled on another reality series on the network, Strange Love, in 2005.
The show ended with Nielsen apparently choosing Dessi over Flav, but Balduini downplayed Nielsen's involvement with the hip-hop star, telling PEOPLE last year that it was "more of a strong friendship – but it's very heavy."
Nielsen was previously married to Sylvester Stallone (husband No. 2) and involved with former NFL star Mark Gastineau, with whom she has a teenage son, Killian. She has three other sons with ex-husbands Meyer and photographer Sebastian Copeland.
Nielsen began her career as a model for such designers as Giorgio Armani and Gianni Versace. In the mid-1980s, she made the transition to acting, starring in such action pictures as Red Sonja, Cobra, Rocky IV, and Beverly Hills Cop II.
KATHY GRIFFIN SHOULD STICK WITH HER GAYS
I am so pissed that I missed Kathy's interview on Larry King! Dammit all to hell. Anyhow, on the show, Kathy discussed the real reason for her divorce--her husband Matt was stealing money from her, to the tune of $72,000.
I know plenty of people out there hate Kathy Griffin and are thinking "good for Matt!" but I am not one of those people. I actually really like Kathy. Her comedy specials are hysterical and who can't love "My Life on the D-List? The woman, God love her, was not blessed with beauty of any sort, but has made a career for herself regardless in an industry where being hot is of utmost importance.
But anyhow, her husband Matt--who seems like a really nice guy on the show--lost 150 pounds or something like that--and gained a crapload of Kathy's money by sneaking off to the ATM while she was asleep. Was that really necessary? What was he buying? Forbidden boxes of Ho-Hos? Kathy stays with this guy through literally thick and thin, and this is how he repays her? Fuck him. Kathy is better off hanging out with her gaggle of gays, and her adorable parents.
I bet you that Matt will weigh 400 pounds within the year. Serves him right.
From People
Kathy Griffin: My Ex Stole $72,000 From Me
Comedian Kathy Griffin told CNN's Larry King that her marriage to Matthew Moline fell apart after she discovered he'd stolen $72,000 from her. In a Larry King Live interview that aired Monday night, Griffin, 45, said that Moline, a software entrepreneur, had taken the money from her bank accounts over an 18-month period. "My ex-husband, without my knowledge, was sneaking into my wallet when I was asleep in the mornings and taking my ATM cards of my own private accounts and withdrawing money," said the star of Bravo's My Life on the D-List."He admitted it and apologized and ... we went to couples therapy," she continued. "I really wanted to make it work." Griffin and Moline wed in 2001; Griffin filed for divorce in September 2005. After an attempted reconciliation, the divorce became official on May 17. When King suggested that, given showbiz salaries, $72,000 isn't all that much, Griffin said Moline's action had tainted her feelings toward him: "Unfortunately, we (were not) able to get beyond the trust issue."
King then read a statement submitted by Moline. "Since our divorce," it said, "I have not made any public comments about my ex-wife or our marriage. It saddens me that she would choose to make such accusations at this time. I have no intention of engaging in a public debate over private matters." Griffin, who occasionally cracked jokes during the interview (she even tried to get King to admit he'd had a facelift – he refused), said she has not been dating and has been putting all her energy into her work. "Eventually, I end up putting everything in the act," she said. "I kind of turn tragedy into comedy and I find that that's a great way for me to deal with it." She also said that talk-show hosts tend to have her on only once, given her outrageous behavior and remarks, and that she covets the bank account of former Three's Company star and Thigh Master mogul Suzanne Somers.
I am so pissed that I missed Kathy's interview on Larry King! Dammit all to hell. Anyhow, on the show, Kathy discussed the real reason for her divorce--her husband Matt was stealing money from her, to the tune of $72,000.
I know plenty of people out there hate Kathy Griffin and are thinking "good for Matt!" but I am not one of those people. I actually really like Kathy. Her comedy specials are hysterical and who can't love "My Life on the D-List? The woman, God love her, was not blessed with beauty of any sort, but has made a career for herself regardless in an industry where being hot is of utmost importance.
But anyhow, her husband Matt--who seems like a really nice guy on the show--lost 150 pounds or something like that--and gained a crapload of Kathy's money by sneaking off to the ATM while she was asleep. Was that really necessary? What was he buying? Forbidden boxes of Ho-Hos? Kathy stays with this guy through literally thick and thin, and this is how he repays her? Fuck him. Kathy is better off hanging out with her gaggle of gays, and her adorable parents.
I bet you that Matt will weigh 400 pounds within the year. Serves him right.
From People
Kathy Griffin: My Ex Stole $72,000 From Me
Comedian Kathy Griffin told CNN's Larry King that her marriage to Matthew Moline fell apart after she discovered he'd stolen $72,000 from her. In a Larry King Live interview that aired Monday night, Griffin, 45, said that Moline, a software entrepreneur, had taken the money from her bank accounts over an 18-month period. "My ex-husband, without my knowledge, was sneaking into my wallet when I was asleep in the mornings and taking my ATM cards of my own private accounts and withdrawing money," said the star of Bravo's My Life on the D-List."He admitted it and apologized and ... we went to couples therapy," she continued. "I really wanted to make it work." Griffin and Moline wed in 2001; Griffin filed for divorce in September 2005. After an attempted reconciliation, the divorce became official on May 17. When King suggested that, given showbiz salaries, $72,000 isn't all that much, Griffin said Moline's action had tainted her feelings toward him: "Unfortunately, we (were not) able to get beyond the trust issue."
King then read a statement submitted by Moline. "Since our divorce," it said, "I have not made any public comments about my ex-wife or our marriage. It saddens me that she would choose to make such accusations at this time. I have no intention of engaging in a public debate over private matters." Griffin, who occasionally cracked jokes during the interview (she even tried to get King to admit he'd had a facelift – he refused), said she has not been dating and has been putting all her energy into her work. "Eventually, I end up putting everything in the act," she said. "I kind of turn tragedy into comedy and I find that that's a great way for me to deal with it." She also said that talk-show hosts tend to have her on only once, given her outrageous behavior and remarks, and that she covets the bank account of former Three's Company star and Thigh Master mogul Suzanne Somers.
Jon Voight Needs to Move On
John Voight is cry-babying on--again--about not seeing his granddaughter, little Messiah, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. He and daughter Angelina are estranged, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we KNOW. We've known for YEARS. No one is interested in anymore. When a man goes on the record, calling his daughter an emotionally disturbed fruitcake, he really shouldn't be surprised that said fruitcake might NOT want him to see her new baby. Duh. Angelina may be a husband-stealing, flesh-cutting, blood vial-wearing, Vagina of Doom, but even she has her limits. Internalize, Accept, Begin again, Jon.
From People Magazine
Jolie's Dad: 'I Haven't Seen Shiloh'
Actor Jon Voight is still hoping to reconcile with daughter Angelina Jolie – and to see Jolie's own new daughter, 6-week-old Shiloh Nouvel.
Speaking to PEOPLE at Monday night's Los Angeles premiere of You, Me and Dupree, Voight, 67, said he saw the photos of Jolie, Brad Pitt and Shiloh that ran in the magazine recently.
"I never saw Angie's face more happy," he said. "Deep, deep peace that never has been there before until this. Beautiful, beautiful look. Both Brad and Angie looked so happy."
He added, "I haven't seen Shiloh yet. I'm looking forward to it."
Referring to Jolie, Voight said, "And no, we haven't spoken. … I don't, I didn't have any communication with her."
In interviews, Jolie, 31, has said she was upset by the way Voight cheated during his marriage to her mother, French actress Marcheline Bertrand, now 54. The couple split when Jolie was a toddler.
After attempts at reconciliation, Jolie and Voight have been estranged for two years. "I don't hate him," she told the Philadelphia Daily News in November. "I simply feel we only have so much energy in this life."
John Voight is cry-babying on--again--about not seeing his granddaughter, little Messiah, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. He and daughter Angelina are estranged, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we KNOW. We've known for YEARS. No one is interested in anymore. When a man goes on the record, calling his daughter an emotionally disturbed fruitcake, he really shouldn't be surprised that said fruitcake might NOT want him to see her new baby. Duh. Angelina may be a husband-stealing, flesh-cutting, blood vial-wearing, Vagina of Doom, but even she has her limits. Internalize, Accept, Begin again, Jon.From People Magazine
Jolie's Dad: 'I Haven't Seen Shiloh'
Actor Jon Voight is still hoping to reconcile with daughter Angelina Jolie – and to see Jolie's own new daughter, 6-week-old Shiloh Nouvel.
Speaking to PEOPLE at Monday night's Los Angeles premiere of You, Me and Dupree, Voight, 67, said he saw the photos of Jolie, Brad Pitt and Shiloh that ran in the magazine recently.
"I never saw Angie's face more happy," he said. "Deep, deep peace that never has been there before until this. Beautiful, beautiful look. Both Brad and Angie looked so happy."
He added, "I haven't seen Shiloh yet. I'm looking forward to it."
Referring to Jolie, Voight said, "And no, we haven't spoken. … I don't, I didn't have any communication with her."
In interviews, Jolie, 31, has said she was upset by the way Voight cheated during his marriage to her mother, French actress Marcheline Bertrand, now 54. The couple split when Jolie was a toddler.
After attempts at reconciliation, Jolie and Voight have been estranged for two years. "I don't hate him," she told the Philadelphia Daily News in November. "I simply feel we only have so much energy in this life."
THE SHAME CONSUMES ME
But Goddamnit if I don't like the new Nick Lachey CD--I wonder if it is because of my rampant hatred of Jessica Simpson, or because I still like to fly my inner boy band flag every now and again. Whatever the reason, I hate myself for it, and you should hate me too. I could tell you I have his website open right now. I could tell you I am listening to "What's Left of Me"--for the third time. I feel so dirty. I need a shower.
Anyhow, Lachey is touring. I might need to go see a show, since it opens in Albany. And slit my wrists afterward.
From The Daily News
Lachey Announces 'What's Left of Me' Tour
NEW YORK (AP) -- Now that Nick Lachey's new solo album is a hit, he's ready to go on the road. Lachey, 32, will tour this fall in support of "What's Left of Me," which debuted at No. 2 on Billboard's album chart in May and has sold more than 500,000 copies, Jive Records announced Monday.
The 26-city tour opens Sept. 20 in Albany, N.Y., with stops including Washington, Chicago, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Philadelphia, New York, Boston and Indianapolis. The tour will end Oct. 26 in St. Louis.
"These shows will be performed in a series of smaller theaters, allowing intimate concerts with fans," the record label said in a statement.
In "What's Left of Me," Lachey sings about the pain of his breakup with Jessica Simpson. The couple, who starred in the MTV reality show "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica," recently divorced after three years of marriage.
But Goddamnit if I don't like the new Nick Lachey CD--I wonder if it is because of my rampant hatred of Jessica Simpson, or because I still like to fly my inner boy band flag every now and again. Whatever the reason, I hate myself for it, and you should hate me too. I could tell you I have his website open right now. I could tell you I am listening to "What's Left of Me"--for the third time. I feel so dirty. I need a shower.
Anyhow, Lachey is touring. I might need to go see a show, since it opens in Albany. And slit my wrists afterward.
From The Daily News
Lachey Announces 'What's Left of Me' Tour
NEW YORK (AP) -- Now that Nick Lachey's new solo album is a hit, he's ready to go on the road. Lachey, 32, will tour this fall in support of "What's Left of Me," which debuted at No. 2 on Billboard's album chart in May and has sold more than 500,000 copies, Jive Records announced Monday.
The 26-city tour opens Sept. 20 in Albany, N.Y., with stops including Washington, Chicago, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Philadelphia, New York, Boston and Indianapolis. The tour will end Oct. 26 in St. Louis.
"These shows will be performed in a series of smaller theaters, allowing intimate concerts with fans," the record label said in a statement.
In "What's Left of Me," Lachey sings about the pain of his breakup with Jessica Simpson. The couple, who starred in the MTV reality show "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica," recently divorced after three years of marriage.
Monday, July 10, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD.
No, this post isn't about idiot celebrities, but this is my blog, so screw you all.
My old man would have been 80 today. We used to joke about the unlikelihood of him making it to this milestone (the odds were never in his favor, given his love of All Things Marlboro Red, Dunkin Donuts, and Little Debbie). He crapped out on me at the age of 78, but I like to think he is still around, wondering why I am wasting my time on frivolous pursuits like this. He probably also wants me to go on a diet. To quote Weird Al, I've got more chins than Chinatown right now.
There will never be another like him, and he is sorely missed.
Hope you and Mom are blowing out the candles together.
As if magically on cue....
US Weekly asks "Where is Suri?" and now, all of a sudden, her "Birth Certificate" surfaces.
According to TMZ,
The document, filed with the Los Angeles County Register-Recorder/County Clerk, was filed May 8, 2006. There are several interesting items of note:
First, St. John’s Hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within 10 days of birth. In this case, Suri was born on April 18 but the certificate was not filed until May 8, 20 days later. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled “friend.” The signature is not legible.
Also, the “Attendant or Certifier” who signed the certificate — Anne Heffernan, RNC – was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby. But a hospital rep tells TMZ that Heffernan is authorized to sign when the doctor is not available. A hospital rep said “normally the doctor signs” but it isn’t a requirement.
Finally, the hospital rep said that the circumstances that triggered the eventual signing of the birth certificate were that Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite to obtaining one.
My opinion: This baby is about as real as Pam Anderson's tits. In short, they are still building her in the lab.
US Weekly asks "Where is Suri?" and now, all of a sudden, her "Birth Certificate" surfaces.
According to TMZ,
The document, filed with the Los Angeles County Register-Recorder/County Clerk, was filed May 8, 2006. There are several interesting items of note:
First, St. John’s Hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within 10 days of birth. In this case, Suri was born on April 18 but the certificate was not filed until May 8, 20 days later. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled “friend.” The signature is not legible.
Also, the “Attendant or Certifier” who signed the certificate — Anne Heffernan, RNC – was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby. But a hospital rep tells TMZ that Heffernan is authorized to sign when the doctor is not available. A hospital rep said “normally the doctor signs” but it isn’t a requirement.
Finally, the hospital rep said that the circumstances that triggered the eventual signing of the birth certificate were that Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite to obtaining one.
My opinion: This baby is about as real as Pam Anderson's tits. In short, they are still building her in the lab.
THIS DISAPPOINTS ME
Normally, I dig Gwen Stefani's style. But this screams Ghettofabulous to me. Like, if Lil' Kim had a baby, this is the shit she would use to lug it around. Who needs a Gucci Baby Bjorn? All the kid is going to do is crap and throw up in it. Waste of money, but she's loaded, so what the hell does she care? Plus, it doesn't match her outfit. Hates it!
Normally, I dig Gwen Stefani's style. But this screams Ghettofabulous to me. Like, if Lil' Kim had a baby, this is the shit she would use to lug it around. Who needs a Gucci Baby Bjorn? All the kid is going to do is crap and throw up in it. Waste of money, but she's loaded, so what the hell does she care? Plus, it doesn't match her outfit. Hates it!
PEOPLE WHO ANNOY THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME, EDITION 8: ASHLEE SIMPSON
It almost pains me too much to even waste the finger energy required to type about how useless this person is.
First, this infamous clip, then a series of screeching performances which made me wish she stuck with lipsyncing, then a series of magazine articles in which she describes how she "loves herself the way she is," and will not change for anyone--which are released in tandem with her new nose job.
Ashlee Simpson is everything that is wrong with America. Therefore, I think the terrorists need to teach us a lesson. Leave those PATH trains alone, I say. Why blow up a perfectly good PATH train for Allah, when the REAL infidel is touring the country right now?
Dear Terrorist, you will have 15 virgins waiting for you in Paradise if you strap yourself full of explosives, catapult yourself on stage during an Ashlee Simpson show, and detonate both yourself and Miss New Schnozz, preferably during "La La" (God I hate that song).
Remember Mr. Terrorist:
PATH TRAINS = GOOD!
ASHLEE SIMPSON = THE INFIDEL!!!
It almost pains me too much to even waste the finger energy required to type about how useless this person is.
First, this infamous clip, then a series of screeching performances which made me wish she stuck with lipsyncing, then a series of magazine articles in which she describes how she "loves herself the way she is," and will not change for anyone--which are released in tandem with her new nose job.
Ashlee Simpson is everything that is wrong with America. Therefore, I think the terrorists need to teach us a lesson. Leave those PATH trains alone, I say. Why blow up a perfectly good PATH train for Allah, when the REAL infidel is touring the country right now?
Dear Terrorist, you will have 15 virgins waiting for you in Paradise if you strap yourself full of explosives, catapult yourself on stage during an Ashlee Simpson show, and detonate both yourself and Miss New Schnozz, preferably during "La La" (God I hate that song).
Remember Mr. Terrorist:
PATH TRAINS = GOOD!
ASHLEE SIMPSON = THE INFIDEL!!!
IS IT JUST ME????
Or does anyone else think Kevin Federline's son (the one he had with Shar Jackson, not Clitney) looks just like the Reverend Al Sharpton?
Can I get an "Amen!!!"? Or a "Halleluah!!!" Or a "Tawana Brawley covered with dog poop"? You know Kevin would have hit that too, poop and all. Praise Jesus!!!
Or does anyone else think Kevin Federline's son (the one he had with Shar Jackson, not Clitney) looks just like the Reverend Al Sharpton?
Can I get an "Amen!!!"? Or a "Halleluah!!!" Or a "Tawana Brawley covered with dog poop"? You know Kevin would have hit that too, poop and all. Praise Jesus!!!
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