THINGS I LOVE


You know what I love? I love it when people I hate with a passion look like total shit. It's wonderful. It makes me feel alive and bouncy again. Puts a spring in my step, if you will.

Messica Simpson managed to look like total CRAPPYCAKES at the Teen Choice Awards, with the weight gain, the unevenly inflated lips, the man-chin. Dane Cook is probably wondering why he ever stuck his wee-wee in her in the first place. Meanwhile, Nick looked great, and probably wiped his brow in relief after seeing what he could have been stuck with for the rest of his life. Well, AFTER he backed the Brinks truck up to her house and took half her money.