Britney's Miami Beach Diary

"Hey' Y'all. I'm just gonna bring my baby to Miami Beach, and let him sit out in the sun because, you know, it ain't HOT in late June in Miami. Hell, (finger quotes) we're country (end finger quotes) and lil' Sean can handle it. Don't he look like a proper lil' peach? Who needs an umbrella or a baby hat, heck even a baby bathing suit. Sean ain't down with that! He's ghetto AND country, and likes to ride the waves in his diapie. Boy, that sun can sure beat down!"


And the next day....




"Well, here we are in the golf cart. Lil' Sean's arms and cheeks sure are burned pretty red, but a lil color will do him some good. Sure he screamed in pain the entire night, but he needs to suck it up cause (finger quotes)yes, we're country (close finger quotes) and besides I am going to have another baby to endanger enough and Sean has to fend for himself, y'all! Where's my clumpy mascara?"

I saw these pictures and wanted to book a flight to Miami myself to choke this imbecilic trainwreck with my bare hands, but I've got crap to do here instead. Can you believe this woman? I cannot fathom the depths of her stupidity.

The only sizzling that I would like to hear is not the sound of delicate baby skin frying under the relentless Miami sun, but rather the dulcet hiss of a laser cauterizing Ms. Spear's fallopian tubes so that she may never breed again.